One Year Ago Today

One year ago today. It’s difficult to comprehend all that has happened in a year’s time. As I try to write my thoughts over the past year, I don’t even know where to start. My thoughts go in so many different directions.



I am in awe of how many people were touched in one way or another with my story. I can only praise God for the comfort and peace He gave me while going through the most difficult trial of my life so far. I thought earlier in my life that I had experienced the peace that only He can give ~ however, now I truly understand what it means to have the “peace that passes all understanding.” (Phil 4:7) The first few days in the hospital, I didn’t know if I was going to live past a few hours. I was never scared, though. Yes, I was sad about the thought of leaving my husband and children. Scared? No. I had perfect peace that God was in control of the situation and whatever happened was meant for His glory in my family’s lives. I didn’t understand it, but I trusted that God is sovereign, He is good, and the situation I was in was also good for His purposes.


We have been so blessed through this. Not only is my marriage stronger, but our faith is stronger. We have had many, many opportunities to share our faith with others. We are thankful to have a story that people want to hear and which points to the only reason for suffering in this life ~ developing into who God wants us to be. (James 1:2-4)


I believe God’s work in preserving my life was nothing short of a miracle. The doctors and nurses reached a point where there was nothing more they could do for me. All we had left was prayer. Everything was taken away from me ~ it was all I could do just to lay in bed and breathe. It was extremely humbling for me. However, it was also humbling for the doctors. They knew that my life was out of their hands, and in the hands of our Great Physician. They also understood it was nothing short of a miracle.


The most difficult part of all this is seeing the toll it has taken on my children. At the ages of 4 and 5, their lives were thrown into a tailspin. As adults we couldn’t process everything, and I can’t imagine how difficult it was for them. I struggled with trying to “make it up” to them for several months after I was home. It took the help of a good friend for me to realize that God was not only using this for good in mine and Matt’s lives, He was also going to use it for good in my children’s lives. I never like to see my kids suffer, but if I want them to also mature as Christians, I have to recognize that these are things that will make them into who God wants them to be, also.

We can look back and see ways that God prepared us for this past year. Matt and I can see how things in our past, that didn’t make sense at the time, finally fell into place. One of those things included Matt’s job. We had moved back to Manhattan for a short period of time so Matt could manage the KSU Beef Cattle Research Center. While there, he worked 10-12 hour days, 7 days a week. He had accumulated paid time off and was never able to use it. When he transferred to another state job in Dodge City, he was also able to transfer all that paid time off. Even though he had used some of it over that first year of employment in Dodge City, he still had enough to cover the entire time I was in the hospital! We had questioned our decision about being in Manhattan because he worked so much and the kids and I had very little time with him. It turned out to be such a blessing. Matt was able to stay with me for 7 weeks without worrying about losing his job or benefits. No one could ever have guessed that would work out in such a way.


We have been so blessed by the hundreds of people who have prayed, sent gifts, and sent words of encouragement. You never know how many lives your life has touched until something like this occurs. It’s still hard to fathom that people from the west coast to the east coast of the U.S. were praying, as well as people from several different countries. Isn’t it amazing to see what happens when God’s people pray? We still receive words or encouragement everywhere we go. I have also had the opportunity to speak to church groups about my experience and have several more planned for this spring. I don’t envision myself as a public speaker, but I do get excited about sharing what God has done in my life.

When I first came home from Denver, I was on oxygen 24/7 and had to use a walker to get around. I was unable to even get out of a chair without help. I am so happy to say that I have progressed leaps and bounds. I now only use oxygen at night (and actually am doing a test tonight to see if I can sleep without it!) and have been able to do some housework, walk a short while through stores, cook a little, and help Matt more with the children. As we decrease the Flolan, the side effects lessen and I feel better. I still require rest time in the afternoon, and plenty of rest breaks when I am up and around. It’s a small price to pay, though. On that note, I am SO thankful for the help my family and friends have given us. My friends take my kids in the afternoon which allows me rest time so I can be good for my family in the mornings and in the evenings.


I can’t tell you how wonderful it has been to share this journey with all of you. In the hospital, my family would read the CaringBridge posts to me, and eventually, I was able to spend some time on the computer myself. Every time, I would be brought to tears and encouraged to persevere. It was overwhelming to hear from so many different people and see that God was using my situation in each of your lives. Still today when I go back through and read, I get teary eyed thinking of how far I have come and how your words helped me through it. I truly can’t thank you enough for persevering with us. Though I hope for complete healing, I want to emphasize again how thankful I am to have my faith strengthened and have such a powerful platform to share about God.

I am excited to see what He has in store for all of us in the days to come!